It is with heavy souls, tears in our eyes, and sadness in our hearts that we bring to you the news of Mr. Kick Ball’s passing from this mortal world. His radiant and awe inspiring life deserve a few minutes of our silent reflection and personal meditation.
Mr. Ball was gently manufactured in Hiroshima, Japan by the hands of child slave labor. At a young age, he was shipped to America to fulfill his dreams of bringing joy and happiness to the other side of the world. Even in this new and foreign environment, he did just that. Everyone that spent time with Mr. Ball was a better person for it. He brought together large groups, provided hours of fun and laughter, and was a catalyst to new friendships being born. Even though he was kicked, thrown, tackled and otherwise bruised and battered, he never complained knowing that he was accomplishing his childhood mission of spreading happiness and laughter across the globe.
His life came to an untimely end due to a tragic accident at the Snow College practice field. Though his bouncy, red exterior was old and had seen plenty of miles, Mr. Ball still offered himself to provide entertainment for others. During this activity, he was viciously kicked in the side and was sent spiraling thirty feet into the air. The impact of this kick tore open a seam and precious, life-sustaining air leaked out of his body as he flew high above the arms that eagerly awaited him on the ground below. His partially deflated body hit the ground with a sickening thud and those around him immediately knew that something was wrong. A circle of his closest friends gathered around him as he quickly, albeit painfully, transitioned from this life to the next. Those who knew him best say that they heard him quietly laugh with his final breath.
Mr. Kick Ball is survived by his wife, who is a four square ball, and a set of five darling croquet balls (though they are rumored to have been fathered by a different man.) Funeral services will be held sometime after Spring Break. Please be prepared to reverently pay your respects.
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